Melinda Moore, Guest Blog

January 31, 2015

The First Three Years of Life: Mommy Wars

A big thanks to Larisa for having me guest blog today! She's been a constant source of support on Facebook for my adventures in the writing world. My newest story, “Rapunzel: Stay at Home Mom,”gives the classic character a modern parenting twist.

I'm embarrassed to say that when I was a new mom, I passed judgment on the other parents I knew, like:

Sheila's having a baby? But her and Kyle still play video games till 1 in the morning.

She's not quitting her job? What's the point of having a kid if you're not gonna be home?

Kyle's quitting his job? Do dads even know how to take care of kids?

Wait, that means they’re gonna bottle feed. Call CPS!

It was like having a baby gave me Supreme Court status. The right way to rear a child was clearly my way.

Breast feeding was the first area to give me a clue that I was a little too holier than thou. First of all it was freaking hard. I didn't have serene moments of mother/baby bonding. I had tearful, guilt-ridden nights of my milk not letting down and my starving baby screaming at me. I turned to formula more than once. Plus I was formula fed as a baby, yet I'm a happy and healthy adult.

Another area where I seriously needed to let go was trusting my husband with the baby. I mean, he is the dad for crying out loud. There's a strange phenomenon in our society that when a mom leaves the children with her husband, she'll say something like, “Their dad's babysitting them.” What? Is he getting paid for that? And if he gets paid for his two hours of time with his own kids, what are you getting for your 24/7 time with them? The first time my husband talked me into leaving our baby with him, I was sure I'd be getting a call from the hospital. My husband is a smart man, and a great dad, but since I was the one always around our child, I couldn't conceive of anyone else understanding what needed to be done. Boy was I surprised when I arrived home to find the two of them napping peacefully together.

Of course the biggest issue that hangs over a woman's head like a guillotine is the issue of whether to work or not after having children. Even though we have many more opportunities and choices available to us than previous generations, we still tend to hang onto the notion that we need to do what others are doing. If I choose to stay home, I want everyone to stay home to validate my choice. Same thing if I choose to work. The reality is that either choice is fine. I have a sister-in-law who not only stayed home, but homeschooled. My sister chose to work and send her kid to private school. As usual I'm in the middle. I stayed home and sent my kids to public school. All the cousins are happy and healthy, which should be every parent’s goal.

As a writer I love to plot stories around issues and situations that are important to me. Traditionally fairy tales have been a way to bring the issues of the day to the forefront. If you enjoyed my take on parenting, please check out my illustrated fairy tale for parents, “Rapunzel: Stay at Home Mom.” It's available at both Amazon and Omni Lit, and it skewers the notion that there's only one right way to parent.